I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize