Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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