well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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