If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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