if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
