The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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