every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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