yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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