I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
