Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
