I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
