Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
