i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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