Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
