Dual....:-)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
