just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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