There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
