I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
