I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just want to make out with him forever
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize