So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
