Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
