I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we're making bets on your personal life
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
