omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize