Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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