i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
