the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
