Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
