I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Screwed.edu
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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