We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
