Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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