you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
