On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
