I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
