we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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