i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
