I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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