i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
