Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
