Got a toothbrush?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
