Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
