i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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