i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
