I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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