I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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