the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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