Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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