I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
