Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
