I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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