I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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