Just fell off a train. Bad.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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