You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
