the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
