If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I supernannyed him into submission
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
