It's like God shit irony all over that family
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just want nice things and good sex
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
