my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
