Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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