My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
