i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
