I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
