He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
