I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
