I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
