Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
