U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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