I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
