I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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