Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
