Kareoke will never be a sober sport
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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