Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
