You're so nebulous sometimes
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
