Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
