Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
