Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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