how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
