I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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