I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
