Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
