one two three fourrrrnication!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
