when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
