And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
