I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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