Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize