I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I bet he comes in French.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
