Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
