i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
