I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize