Your face is a jimmy john
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
