you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
