I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
