Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
